10 Items or Less

No, I’m not talking about the express lane at the local store. It’s a concept I came up with while driving and thinking (both of which happen a lot these days, especially together). I tend to be slightly, ok, more than slightly OCD with things and to help me along with this minimalistic lifestyle, I almost need to put numbers with things. Goals. Limits. I’m a man, so compartmentalizing is second nature.

My idea was with clothing, to keep each “category” to 10 items or less. This means 10 t-shirts, 10 dress shirts, 10 pairs of pants, 10 pairs of socks, 10 hats, etc. This was extremely difficult for me in the beginning because I had way more than 10 of each. Sometimes 3-5 times more than that. It was ridiculous. I now wear a work shirt 5 days a week, so my t-shirt drawer became even more of a waste of space.

I had to amend some areas, such as pants. I don’t need 10 pairs of jeans, slacks, and shorts individually, so I decided to lump them all into 1. I have 4 pair of cargo shorts that I like, and in the summer, I can’t wear them too many times before they need washed, so 4 is a good number for me. I only have 2 pairs of slacks, and that’s only because 1 belongs to my only suit for the dressiest occasions. That left 4 open spots for jeans, which is also a good number for me. I wear them the rest of the year, and 1 of the 4 is considered a “work” pair that are older I don’t care if they get torn up.

Another category that I made a conglomeration was the “comfy clothes” area. I like gym shorts and sweat pants to lounge around the house in. I currently have 1 pair of swim trunks, 3 pairs of pants, 3 pairs of shorts, and a set of thermal underclothes for when it gets really cold. That still leaves me with 1 spot, but I’ll be pairing down this group again soon, so I won’t even have 10, thus the “less” part of the equation.

You get the point. It helps me keep things in check and also helps with the “1 in, 1 out” mentality that I would like to get to. Only replacing and not adding to. The point is just to learn to live with less, and the numbers don’t always matter, but for me, it helped me stay inside my own box and gave me boundaries. I know I’m not the only one like me out there. Hopefully this gives you a new approach that will help you lose the excess and keep it out.

Not Becoming The Hulk

One thing I tell my boys a lot is that no one else is responsible for your emotions, your actions, or your happiness. They can try to have an impact on them, but at the end of the day, they are YOURS. You chose whether you react in a positive or negative way. We live in a society full of people who thrive off of passing the blame. It's always someone else's fault. Someone made me do it. I'm not responsible for that. That's your problem, not mine.

Now, don't get me wrong, it's not always easy to do. There are way too many times that someone cuts me off or goes when it's not their turn at a 4-way-stop and I get infuriated. I'll be the first to admit, I have road rage, but that's no excuse. We all let our kids, our bosses, our ex's, even the slow checkout lady at the store, get the best of us and we snap. We curse, we stomp, we throw things, we might even use a certain finger to release that anger.

So, how do we control those big, green urges? That is the question. I'm reminded of the movie Anger Management with Adam Sandler and Jack Nicholson. Dr. Rydell (Nicholson) is an anger management guru, and Dave (Sandler) is actually a really mild-mannered guy, whom his girlfriend, Linda, (Marisa Tomei) is trying to get to stand up for himself and not be a push-over, so they put him through the ringer to see what will ruffle his feathers. In one scene, Jack is teaching them the term that the Eskimos use to calm their babies. "Goosfraba". I still to this day will say it jokingly when something is stressing me out.

Does it help? Not really in the sense that the movie suggests, but it does make me laugh, and then the stress is a little more manageable. I don't necessarily recommend you saying it either unless you're alone, otherwise, it could make you look a little crazy. What I do suggest is finding a way to diffuse and decompress. The way you speak to your children becomes their inner voice. The way you speak to others around you also dictates the way they respond and speak to you in return.

The world is full of people who are rushing, stressing, flipping out, and imploding. Take the time to "smell the roses" and enjoy the little things. Live by the 5 by 5 rule. If it's not going to matter in 5 years, then don't spend more than 5 minutes worrying about it. Learn to breathe, let things go, and don't sweat the small stuff (because it's almost all small stuff).

Parenting Through the Storm

OK parents, I'm gonna say something that we've all thought at least once in our adult lives, are you ready? Here it is...

Kids can be real jerks sometimes.

Whew...I feel better now. Now don't tar and feather me just yet. I absolutely love my two children, and Alicia's two as well, (we're almost the Brady Bunch) but there are times that would even make the Pope lock himself in the bathroom and scream. No one said parenting would be easy, but come on. Sometimes, by the end of the week, Daddy needs a break. It's even worse when you're outnumbered.

Alright, enough complaining, I could have it a lot worse. Just spending a few minutes in a public place around other kids will prove that in no time flat. For the most part, all four of our kids are really good. I know mine are regarded at their school for being some of the best behaved and most well mannered, and I would much rather them misbehave for me than anyone else, but sometimes, I'm not sure the good Lord himself could break their will. I'm definitely paying for my raising at times with them.

Now, I'm not here to gain sympathy for difficult children. I've been around enough other parents to know that ain't gonna happen. I'm just saying that kids can be a handful, and that's ok...to an extent. Sometimes "boys will be boys" is ok, but when is it not? For me, it's when their actions directly affect someone else. I've definitely been working on not letting them get all bent out of shape when someone hurts them, but I also want them to make sure they aren't hurting someone else with what they say and do. I want to raise gentlemen (and a lady). Kind-hearted, passionate, gentle, but strong, Godly adults.

My oldest, who's 9, and I have been talking a lot about this sort of stuff. He is very inquisitive, and super smart for his age, but he's also my biggest challenge. He's strong-willed to a fault. In the right situation, that's a great trait to posses, but in the wrong one...look out. He often cracks, if not breaks my will completely. My 6-year-old marches to his own beat, and that's an entirely different battle, but I'm trying to instill characteristics that I'm unfortunately seeing go the way of the buffalo these days.

What I'm saying is, pick your battles, but make sure you're picking the right ones. Don't raise your kids to be like you, raise them to be better. To be the light that they want to see in others, and still be that light even when they don't see it anywhere around. Every day as a parent has it's own storm. Stand firm in the wind, and be the stable ground and safe haven for your kids. Lead by example, and make sure that example follows what you say.